Allergic Reaction

In the Doctor's Opinion in the beginning pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Dr. Silkworth talks about an allergy...an allergy that alcoholics have that creates a phenomenon of craving. Alcoholics (and I contend...addicts) have a physical and mental allergy to their substance of choice. In my case, that substance is food (and there are particular foods to which I am allergic, but I'll get to that more later.) This allergy creates - in both the body and the mind of the addict - a craving that cannot be outmatched by unaided human will. Once started, the addict cannot stop using.

The body and mind have an allergic reaction to the substance, and they crave more. Once they have received more, they are not satiated, but rather are more intent on getting even more. There is no "enough". The well of "want" is bottomless.

I could always relate to the Lays Potato Chip ads. You can't eat just one! You BET I can't eat just one. I never could. I can remember sitting down with a bag of chips...a big bag, not those measly "individual" servings...and suddenly being with a completely empty bag. I would wonder to myself how I could have possibly eaten the entire bag, especially when I had just had a meal. But somehow I could. Not only was my hand unconsciously going from bag to mouth repeatedly without so much as an intention, but my mind was totally disembodied from the experience. It was like my brain checked out.

I have eaten to well-past full and wondered how it happened. Why couldn't I stop?! I felt like my car has driven itself into drive through windows by itself. I couldn't have passed the places if I had tried. And I did try. I could swear to never do it again, but I would. I awaken from a food coma prepared to change my ways until... It never mattered what was behind the "until" but the food was always waiting.

I have an allergy to certain foods that, unless I abstain from them completely, will kill me. Overindulging is not going to kill me; my inability to stop eating will. In order to assist in the arrest of my disease, I have to avoid all foods to which I have an allergic reaction, including all personal binge foods. And I have to avoid that first compulsive bite. Each time I abstain from eating compulsively, it is easier to abstain the next time.