Phenomenon of Craving

The allergy of the body that I discussed in the last post causes what Dr. Silkworth calls "the phenomenon of craving." Once I have a little of my drug of choice (food), I immediately crave more. There is never enough that will satiate my desire for more. One french fry will inevitably lead to the next french fry and the next. In fact if you are having fries and you're sitting across from me, I am probably thinking about how I could possibly sneak one (or ALL) of them off your plate and get them into my mouth without you noticing.

The only way to reduce the phenomenon of craving is to completely cut out the substance that triggers the craving. For me those substances are usually fried foods and refined sugar. There are also a few no-no's that I have to avoid completely, like sugar-free food items and potato chips. It does not matter if they are baked or fried. I cannot stop with one....or even one bag. Once I've started, I cannot stop. Another addict wrote in his big book study:

Our body is telling us to eat, and we can't stop eating, just as we can't stop breathing or blinking our eyes - we may be able to suspend our breathing or blinking temporarily, but we simply can't stop.

Complete abstinence from all addictive foods is the first step to freedom from the obsession and the cravings. My first sponsor in OA used to tell me, "Don't eat. Don't eat. Don't eat. No matter what, don't eat." The point is that the food is never going to "fix" whatever problem I'm facing, nor is the food the best way to celebrate an achievement.

When I have told some folks about the foods I don't eat, they have been amazed at my willpower. They tell me that they can't believe that I never eat these things. I usually respond with a funny quip about how if I had one bite of the ... (whatever it is I'm not eating with everyone else), then I would be fighting off everyone else to be able to eat the whole thing. No one else would get any because I would need it all. And I do mean NEED. I would feel like I was dying to not have more.

The freedom is that I don't have to do this forever and always. I actually only have to do it today. One day at a time, I have to make the choice to abstain. Recently, I decided not to abstain. I ate outside of my food plan and thought that I could, perhaps, just have a little bit. I felt like I was testing the waters. After three and a half years of back to back abstinence, I went back out there. And here is what I know for a fact, the phenomenon of craving is real and is waiting for me. I cannot take one bite of my personal binge foods and expect to survive. I will not. Complete abstinence is the only way.

I had to tell my sponsor about this, and quite frankly, it sucked. I didn't want to do it, but I know that only complete and rigorous honesty will allow me to survive this cunning and baffling disease. I'm abstinent again, and one day at a time, I hope to continue to chose the path of recovery and not the path of craving.