The "Why"

I am a compulsive overeater and a food addict. I have an incurable disease that will eventually kill me if I don't take some action. That action for me is working a 12-step program of recovery from compulsive eating, found in Overeaters Anonymous.*

I have been "in program" (as the lingo goes) since November 2006. But now my sponsor has asked me to step-up my program. Actually, I am struggling to survive without the food, and I went begging for help. "We're going to work the steps, and you're going to write," were her words to me. Ok...they weren't that exactly, but that's what I heard.

I could just write in my journal. That spiral bound book that I have been carrying for close to four years, but it didn't feel like enough. I felt that, in some way, I could do service to other compulsive overeaters by posting my writing online. Who knows if I will really even tell anyone about this blog, but I feel the need right now to get it out there.

The "real why" that my sponsor asked me was why did I want to recover from my disease of compulsive eating. Truth is that I asked her first, but much like a carpenter from Nazareth, she answered my question with the same question in return.

Why DO I want to recover from this debilitating disease?

• I want freedom to think about something else beside what I am going to eat, when I am going to eat, how much I am going to eat, and when I can get my next fix.
• I want to live...really live. Not just putz through my life...half-assing my way in this relationship or that one or this job or that one.
• I want to be present with my partner, my child, my friends, and my family. And when I'm in the food, I'm not present.
• I don't want my child to see me in my active disease. I want to model a way to engage life's good and bad without resorting to eating/addiction.
• I love what I have received in recovery: a better relationship with my partner, the ability to feel my feelings (and not just the bad ones), comfortability in my body, smaller pants, and there's a lot more.

I hope that I will be able to keep up this blog, not just because I like to write and want to keep it up, but also because I believe that it could bring a new depth to my recovery. If you journey with me, I hope you will find something you are looking for in my experience, strength, and hope.



*Please note that this blog is one addict's experience. I do not speak for OA as a whole or in part. I'm only talking about my own experience.