Yesterday was a practice in powerlessness. It was one curve ball after another. The "old" April loved to be in control of every aspect of life (or at least have the illusion of control). And if I'm honest with myself, this April would - most of the time - like to be in control too. However, this April knows now that only through letting go and admitting that things are out of my control am I able to be free.
I am powerless over people, places, and situations. I'm powerless over my son having to see a pediatric neurologist and whether or not we can get him an appointment in a reasonable amount of time. I am powerless over the bank accepting the offer we placed on a house more than two months earlier than we had "planned." I am powerless over whether members of my family want to be an active part of our lives.
At one time I thought that powerlessness was the worse possible thing...that I would die if I did not have power. I don't believe that anymore. Even though being powerless often comes with some difficult situations, I now believe that by letting go and admitting my powerlessness over different people, places, and situations, I have the freedom to allow a power greater than myself to care for me and the situation. The tighter I grasp, the less freedom I have.
Today, I'm choosing powerlessness.
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